Lately, the phrase “intimidating” or “intimidated” has been on my mind lately. Not too long ago, I was out with some friends and I began to chat with a guy who had asked me to dance and had somehow joined our group. Very nice dude and appreciated the fact he was able to carry a conversation without feeling that he wanted something more.
As the night carried on, towards the end of our conversation he pointed to a few men from other groups and he had stated they had found me to be beautiful, but they felt intimidated by me to even ask me to dance. I had asked him why? He had stated that often times men become intimidated by women who show confidence, are comfortable with themselves, and who seem to know what they want. I had asked him, how would they know anything about me if they don’t know me at all? He stated that immediately a man, just by observation alone, can determine the type of person a woman is. He mentioned I should take it as a compliment because that’s actually a great thing.
Back track a few year’s ago, I went on a very super short date (I cut it short…literally 20 min) with an engineer from Intel. From the start, he had a very large ego and claimed he was one of the “top guys”, very smart and needed an intelligent/smart woman by his side. Aside from his huge ego, aggressiveness, and the fact he thought it was OK to place his hand on my leg…the biggest turn off that led me to walk away from the date was the fact that I had noticed he quickly felt intimidated by me. The moment I brought up the conversation that I actually owned my own house, he asked, “why?”. So I threw back the question, “why what?” He asked, “why would you own your own house? You’re a woman and it’s weird to own a home without a man. Did you do it all by yourself? How is that even possible?”
At that point, I knew this date was F’n over and I responded, “because I consider myself to be a smart and intelligent woman. Investing in something is always the best way to go and I am sure you are aware of this since you’re currently renting right now and throwing away your money on something that doesn’t even belong to you. You know that scenario isn’t the most ideal after a while. I don’t believe a woman should have to wait for a man in order to achieve anything in her life let alone grant her the pathway to own something. If a woman wants something, she has the liberty and the right to get it with or without someone. In regards to how I did it, it’s called being persistent and determined. Anything is possible when you set your mind on something and especially when you have the best support system to remind you to beat all the obstacles that get in your way.” From being the hot shot that he claimed he was, I knew he felt intimidated by me and more so being a woman who was able to achieve something that he hadn’t quite accomplished yet.
Now, leading back to intimidation. I think there is a huge difference between men being intimidated by women vs women who are intimidating. I don’t consider myself to be intimidating, but I do know that people often times get intimidated by me. Not only from men, but from women as well. On their own they find themselves viewing me as someone they need to compete with and all the while I ask myself, why? Instead of competing against one another, we should be supporting each other. Women need to support other women because we know the constant struggles we have to go through in order to achieve things in our lives. Enough with viewing each other as an enemy.
Men need to stop degrading women who actually accomplish things in their lives and who think women should be less than what they are. This F’n “masculine, macho power” is overrated and needs to stop. It’s a huge turn off. Be proud of the badass women who have achieved and accomplished things to be where they are now, especially when we constantly have all the odds against us because of the fact we are women. Let alone if we’re already considered a minority because of our ethnicity, color of our skin, background, religion, etc. Wage is still a huge factor in our society as well as many other things that we as women are still trying to battle to break those barriers. Applaud us instead of questioning us and making us feel that we aren’t allowed to achieve anything without a man. Who the F cares? Keep on renting for all I care, but don’t F’n question me why I’m a homeowner because of the fact that I’m a woman.
As Madonna once said, “The right man will never be intimidated by me.”
Honey, remember that you’re not intimidating, others are intimidated. There is a huge difference. The right people will never be intimidated by you. They will support you and be proud of your achievements as you will also be proud and supportive of theirs. Don’t change who you are.
For women reading this, let me know your thoughts and if you ever have come across those who have felt intimidated by you. Also, for any men reading this, let me know your thoughts as well and if you’ve ever felt intimidated by a woman.
