This post is by no means planned, on the contrary, I never thought I would write about this. Period. I had a realization today that I haven’t had a conversation with God in a while (since 2019 to be exact) and thinking back to my last conversation with God was not the most pleasant.
The Quick Run Down
Today was one of those days (some of you may understand this) where I completely felt un-motivated/de-motivated. The hours were ticking by and I felt stuck. I woke up in the morning feeling extremely tired and not knowing why.
I had plans to workout in the morning and get some fresh air during lunch. When lunchtime came around, everything felt dark and I was eating those noodles without taking the time to really enjoy the flavor and just loving food as I normally do. It was strange.
When I finished eating, I didn’t know what to do with the rest of my time before I had to go back to work. I should take the last few minutes to clean or go on a walk since the sun was blasting outside. For a brief moment it looked like Spring and not Winter.
I sat on my sofa debating whether I should take a nap and try to sleep away this feeling. I grabbed my phone and opened Instagram. In the first instant, I noticed that Sazan & Stevie Hendrix were doing a LIVE.
For those who don’t know Sazan & Stevie, I’ve been following both of them for years! I first discovered Sazan ages ago while she was still living in Texas before moving to Cali and back again. They’re definitely the power couple who have done it all from blogging, Youtube videos, business owners, podcasters and just living The Good Life.
The entire moment that I was listening, I picked up on a few things that stood out to me:
- It’s normal to have these kind of days
- I should allow myself to have these kind of days
- Everything will be OK
- It’s OK to take a step back
- I should pace myself
- Do one thing at a time instead of multiple things at once
- Focus on the things that are good and that I do right, instead of the wrong
- Trust in God
That last point, it gave me a realization on something I had tucked away in the corner of my mind. I began to think on my Faith and how I’ve held onto it throughout the course of my life. Most of all, found myself praying to God on the daily, but not have an actual conversation with Him.
Yes, there isn’t one day where I don’t pray and everything that I pray about is important to me. But one can also become immune to prayer that it becomes almost routine. Not that it doesn’t have meaning, but it becomes expected.
The Back Story
I began to reflect on my last conversation with God, back in 2019. The last time I had a conversation with God, I was angry, hurt and frustrated. I opened myself completely and just had a heart to heart talk.
People always say never to question God, but if I couldn’t be honest with Him then what was the point? The next day, I received good news (one that shouldn’t have occurred). I knew then that it was a sign and God listened and felt what I felt.
Shortly after that, things took a turn and I hadn’t had another conversation with Him since. When I realized this during the LIVE, I knew this is what I had been missing. There was a long overdue conversation with God and I needed to allow myself to open with Him freely again.
For the record, this post is by no means political. I don’t consider myself to be super religious, but I carry my Faith no matter where I go. I just want to be honest with my followers and maybe some of you may be able to relate.
So, going back to the Real Talk. It was an Ah-Ha moment. Emotions started creeping up and I allowed myself to feel knowing that something was hit spot on.
In some weird way, I took this as a message that was delivered to me. If I would have chosen to take a nap, I would have missed out on this moment. I would have missed out on something that I didn’t know I was missing to begin with.
So, Now What?
Now that I know what I’ve been missing, I am ready to give in. I am ready to have that deep conversation that I’ve denied myself to have. I am ready to allow myself to go through all the feels in order to get to where I need to be.
It’s funny how life works sometimes. You don’t know what you’re missing until it just hits you out of nowhere. Is it really coincidence, or did the Universe or God find a way to send you the message?
I don’t have the answers and I can’t say that I ever will. What I do know is that I’m looking forward to restarting my honest and raw conversations with God again. By doing so, I think He will pave way a clearer path and allow me to see what I cannot.
What ways has God helped you throughout your life? What messages have you noticed that He has sent your way? Were you able to get something out of this point that you hadn’t before?
“God is stronger than whatever it is that is making you anxious.
Give it to Him.”
Let me know as I want to find more ways to connect with YOU…to be honest with YOU…and to create a space where you can also freely be yourself.
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My last conversation (about maybe a few months to a year ago or something)with a god was this: I’m sorry I don’t pray anymore but I just have not believed. If you really exist at ALL, then please present yourself.” I got a big fat Nothing. I do the forgiving of people who are wrong to me. I clear up misunderstandings and make sure I don’t lie to anyone. I take care of my Own body and let the Doctors who tell me how I can stop things from happening to my body, heart,and brain. I make sure everyone I love KNOWS that I love him/her. I forgive everyone who hates me for being an atheist because I know that You all think you Need this belief in a “life after death” scenario. There IS life after death but not the way Christians and other religious people think. My dad has been dead since 2006. I was right next to him singing a song to him with his brothers and sisters as he died.My mom has been dead since 2010,but Both of my parents still alive to me and in my mind(they NEVER leave your mind).
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First, I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing someone is never easy and grief is a roller coaster of emotions. Some good days and others not so much.
Second, thank you for taking the time to share your perspective. I really appreciate it as I want a space for everyone to feel comfortable to share their stories, their view points, etc. We may all not agree on everything, but that is OK because it’s still important to listen what someone has to say, maybe learn something from it and gain an understanding as to where someone is coming from.
I really liked what you said, “both of my parents still alive to me and in my mind.” I find this so true. As long as we continue to remember those who meant so much to us, continue to share their stories & memories that have imprinted in our minds…they’ll always be alive in our heart. They’ll never truly be gone nor forgotten.
Whether someone believes in a God or not, at the end of the day it is us to decide who we want to be. As you said, make decisions that will improve our mind, body and soul. Continue to let those who are still around us know that we love them and do the best that we can to live a happy and fulfilling life.